A light breeze sweeps through the pasture as I graze on the lush, green grass by the west gate of the ranch. Thinking to myself of how this glorious evening is unfolding right before my eyes, there couldn't be a more perfect day. Susie, my sister, waddled up next to me "Grandpa is going to tell us a spooky tale tonight before bed!"
"Great! I like the scary stories he shares with us." I replied.
Grandpa Big Horn has always been the wisest cow of the herd, standing six feet from the ground, his big black spots can be seen for a hundred yards. Many of the other cows look up to him for his knowledge and experience. His horror stories though are creepy, I don't know where he gets the ideas for them. It was getting dark and curiosity was grabbing me by the horns as to what his story will entail tonight. After the sunset, all of the cows gathered around Big Horn to hear what he had to say.
"There is rumors of a place in town that makes my spots crawl and tingle with fear."
"Its called a Meat Packing Plant and it is said that if you wander from the herd that strange men, who look like giants, will come wrangle you to the ground and take you there."
"What do they want with us Grandpa?" Susie questioned.
"Well they say at the plant screams echo throughout the building as they murder the cows that they have kidnapped, not for pleasure, but to harvest your flesh"
"When they peel your flesh from your bones, they will dip it in this liquid called 'Bourbon' and hang it out to dry with the other endless rows of cows who came across the same fate."
I squealed and let out a yelp, "That sounds awful Grandpa!" Covering my snout with my hoofs.
"It is! After they dry your flesh the men cover it in something called 'Pepper', I don't know what this does but they do it before they stick the flesh in this thing... A contraption of sorts... Called a 'smoker' I believe."
All the cows, spooked, looked around in the darkness. You could almost hear their hearts pounding in their chests.
As he continued, "The strange men then eat it, they say our flesh is "tender, slow-cooked, and satisfying" to their pallet. They even have named this sacrilegious aftermath 'Beef Jerky'."
"What savage beasts!" one of cows from the back screamed!
"Yes, yes... To think anyone would do such a thing comes as quite a shock."
As Susie and I started to head toward the barn to get ready for bed, Grandpa snuck up behind us and screamed, "We've come for your jerky!"
I screamed and about fell over dead with fright wreaking havoc throughout my nerves. I've never seen Susie run so fast! She was hiding under her hay in the barn crying when we finally found her. After Grandpa had admitted he was only trying to scare us and we admitted to his success, it was off to bed for us. Laying there, staring at the stars through the rotted hole in the barn's roof, it took a while to calm the adrenaline flowing in my veins. It was only a story I told myself. With a smile and a smirk, I was finally able to fall asleep. My Grandpa, always the trickster, I don't know where he comes up with this stuff. What a goof!
*Pictures would not cooperate and let me add captions, so here are my picture links...
Picture 1 (Cow grazing) - http://www.ma.nrcs.usda.gov/news/news_grass-based_dairy_tour.html
Picture 2 (Recipe) - http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474977039297
Picture 3 (Cow fridge) -http://hof.povray.org/vaches.html
Where the grass is green
Don't let the jerky man snatch
You will become tasty
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